how to beat anxiety when making decisions
There are some people in the world who make decisions like a boss and move on with their life like it ain't no thang. I, unfortunately, am not one of those people. I'm what you might call a "second-guesser".
Now to be fair, most decisions i'm perfectly capable of making without much hesitation or after thought..even with confidence. But when it comes to certain decisions (some big, some small), I find that my anxiety kicks in and i'm pretty much useless to the entire free world. For instance, while Kevin and I were in Turkey, we had planned on taking a cruise to the Greek Isles. The day before we were supposed to board, something fell through with the travel agent, and we were not booked. I was devastated and, at an impasse, Kevin and I had to decide what to do next. Our two decisions were to explore some beaches in Turkey (which was the cheaper option) OR navigate the Greek Isles on our own. Friends, this may seem like such trifling matter, but I literally was paralyzed with anxiety. I also struggle with serious FOMO (fear of missing out), and kept thinking that if we didn't go to Greece (which was the more expensive option), I'd be missing out. In the end, we chose Greece, and the minute we picked that option, my anxiety continued to make me wonder "maybe Turkey was the better choice?" It was exhausting and I just couldn't win.
Thankfully I have a champ of a husband, who soothingly talked me through it, validated our decision, and told me "Katie, we can't look back. Let's just enjoy things and have fun" which we did and had such an enjoyable trip. I literally worried like a crazy lady, all for nothing.
However, i've had some time to reflect deeply on why I seem to face some terrifying anxiety when I make certain decisions. Here is what i've come up with:
1. I've believed the horrible lie that says, "If I don't get this, I won't be happy".
I remember when I was planning my wedding, and I was so obsessed with finding the perfect photographer. There was a photographer I really wanted, and I even remember telling Kevin, "if I don't go with her, I won't be happy with anyone else". While super embarrassing to admit now, it shows that I fell hook, line, and sinker for the oldest trick in the book.
Here's the problem with that point of view-
it leads us to buy into the lie that things (not God) are what fill us.
It's the subtle lie that pervades our culture. It's the lie that perpetuates consumerism. And it's the lie that makes us feel crappy about ourself when we don't get what we want, or even when we do. Because plain and simple, things do not fill our hearts with joy and peace. Only God does.
If you are tempted to believe that the alternative choice cannot make you happy, think again. Any alternative with Jesus, is always better than our first choice without Him.
2. I've wrapped my identity up in certain decisions as they became a way to "prove" myself
So much of my anxiety during my wedding planning was a direct result of placing my identity into the hands of one special day. I wanted the decor to look "just so" in order that people would stand back and say, "wow, Katie is so creative" or "this is a gorgeous display" or whatever. My identity soon became enmeshed in what others thought about me {not my shining moment, love me anyway:)}. I agonized over bridesmaids dresses, flower colors, the whole nine yards! It was a decision making hell. And when certain elements did not go as visualized, I literally fell apart.
It became apparent to me that if we are trying to prove ourselves to the world through our decisions, we will be sorely disappointed when what we expected doesn't pan out, and we are left with anxiety as our constant companion. But if we place our worth, value and position in Christ alone, chances are, no matter what way the decision goes, we will be able to better accept it with little anxiety, because the decision doesn't define us.
3. At the end of the day, no decision should rob you of your joy
Decisions may rob you of peace if you place too much weight on them, or are using them to prove how great you are to the world. Many of us who have struggled with insecurities in our life, like myself, might have a harder time with this, because we seem to feel like we have to constantly prove ourselves in certain areas. But thankfully, God is revealing to me how to hold life looser. How to roll with the punches. How to be content no matter what I decide. When we hold on to less tension in the decision making process, we can hold out our hearts to more of what really matters…..jesus. When we make decisions, we have to look at them in light of eternity. All my wedding decisions didn't really matter in the long run, only our marriage does. I could have prevented a few gray hairs and a lot of stress if I would have remembered that.
If you are facing a decision that impacts the kingdom, this is not to say that you don't spend lots of time in prayer seeking counsel and taking your time. All I'm saying is that we don't need to be anxious in the decision making process. Give all the emotions you are feeling up to the one who already has your life planned, and trust:) Ask God to show you if you are trying to "prove" yourself in your decisions, or if your identity is in your decisions. He'll show you:)
I hope someone resonates with this today, otherwise i've just admitted a lot of embarrassing things for nothing:)
Happy Friday! I'll be at the beach all day with our Swedish relatives eating at two of my favorite restaurants…Bear Flag Fish Company and True Foods!! Hoping your weekend is refreshing and full of peace, joy and freedom!