Peace from Pain

This morning I woke, rays of sunshine on my face and undeserved peace welling deep within. 

I smiled, and whispered a loaded thank you to the Lord. 

This season of peace has been beautiful for so many reasons.

In the last two years, sweet Abba has restored this heart of mine. 

From fear and failure to faith and freedom. 

From pain and anxiety to perfect peace. 

You see, around the time Kevin and I were first married, 

a slew of unspeakably difficult emotional hurricanes blew into our lives. And with force, this storm drove deep within my soul and untethered all that I knew to be true about myself. It was the unearthing of sin and bad habits that somehow sat right in front of my face. It was the gale of past hurts and pain that glaringly haunted my thoughts. 

And it was winds of external situations that kept slamming and howling into our lives...

Kevin's mother was in the midst of fighting cancer, 

many of our close friends had moved away and we felt a bit lonely. 

We had a foreign visitor show up unexpectedly on a front door step THE DAY WE GOT BACK FROM OUR HONEYMOON to stay for 2 months!! {that's a book in itself!}

Kevin's parents house flooded. 

I found out some devastating news about some people I loved very dearly that made me very confused and hurt, 

my health was failing,  

In some moments, I felt as though my world was falling apart and I was drowning and didn't know how to stay afloat.

{The incredible silver lining in those dark hours was my marriage. 

By God's grace, no matter what was happening outside of our home, 

our marriage was loving and beautiful, true and real, 

honest and perfect in the way God made it. 

Kevin will forever be my hero.} 

But in that time, 

I woke up almost every morning with fear, panic, and anxiety ruling my emotions.

 I'd never experienced something like this before, it almost paralyzed me. 

I didn't feel God. 

I second guessed every single decision I made. 

I wondered if I'd ever feel peace again. 

In some ways, I was just surviving. 

but I made it through the wreckage, and what has emerged has been nothing less than a miracle.
{which I will be sharing more with you about later!} 

But today, over two years later I smile and think about the faithfulness of God. 

The intensity of His promise to 

make all things new. 

The truth of His words when He tell me He has GOOD plans for me. 

THe integrity of his words when He gently whispers "Katie, I will never leave you nor forsake you". 

The Lord is fierce in His love for us. 

Unrelenting

and Kind. 

Unbelievably Kind. 

So today I say this to you, 

you are not forgotten. 

Peace is not out of your reach. 

God is bigger than anxiety and fear. 

God is a restorer of broken walls, and a redeemer of shattered dreams and hearts. 

God makes us whole again, even when the evil one has told us we are unrepairable. 

we are. 

Because all is possible with a Savior. 

I don't know why I wrote this post today. But I felt like it was for someone. 

This Christmas, know, KNOW, that wherever you are and however you feel, 

peace can be granted and given because GRACE is alive and active, 

and God is the most generous giver I know, and Jesus the best gift.  

peace be with you,

love Katie